Stay In Control By Giving Up Control

One of my favorite things in the world is the “Getting Into The Vortex~Guided Meditation” by Jerry and Esther Hicks.  Notice, I didn’t say one of my favorite books or one of my favorite CD’s.  It’s both of those things, yet I think of it more as a tool.  The BEST tool I have found for living a happier life.  I know that sounds like a ridiculous statement, but sometimes we do sound ridiculous when we talk about our favorite things.  So forgive me, but I really love this tool!

BUT, that’s not what this post is about.  This post is about something that came up this week during one of the workshops I facilitate on this material.  This week, we discussed the section on Relationships and the following excerpt prompted a profound realization:

“If you become reliant on the behavior of others to keep you feeling good, then when you observe unwanted behavior, it is logical that you would not feel good.  And the worst part of that is, you then believe that your feeling good is dependent on their behavior, over which you have no control”




We realized how, since studying this material, we have developed more tolerance and patience and understanding when dealing with others who would otherwise irritate or frustrate or even anger us.  We’re beginning to “let things go” more than we used to and we’re reminding ourselves that someone else’s bad behavior can only affect us IF we give it power by focusing our attention on it.  In other words, we’re not sweating the small stuff (which we used to consider big stuff) and we’re finding the irritations don’t irritate us nearly as much, and situations improve much faster… which is pretty darned fantastic 🙂

So here is the profound realization~

We have way more control when we give up
trying to control someone else’s behavior.


Who knew?  Did you?  How do you handle others behaving badly?  Do you think you have a choice in whether you feel irritated by someone else’s behavior?  How about when someone cuts you off in traffic and nearly causes an accident~ do you have a choice?

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  1. Got here via Bob Burg’s post of the link on FB this morning. Once again, spot on the message I needed to hear this morning!! Thank you thank you!!!

    We may not be able to change someone else’s behavior, but we can choose how we react (or not react) to it!! I really was in need of this reminder, and you so eloquently laid it all out, just for me, right?

    Thanks and now that I’ve been led to your site, I’ll be around a while!

    • Thank you so much Beth! If I had a nickel for every person that found me because of Bob Burg, I’d have….. a LOT of nickels! I’m so glad you found it and enjoyed it because I DID write it JUST FOR YOU! 🙂 And maybe (just maybe) for a zillion other people who can have their lives affected deeply when others behave badly. You’re so right when you say “choose how we react OR NOT REACT.” The “not reacting” takes some effort, but it works like a charm, and is easier than we think.
      Thrilled you stopped by and honored you’ll be sticking around. Thank YOU for making my day!

  2. Linda,

    I am not going to “sugar coat” this, so please forgive me if this sounds terse. When you first approached me about this tool, I thought you were maybe an “out there” ex-hippy getting your “mellow on” man. So I listened politely, because I knew meditating was for weirdos.

    But as I got to know you better, and you just would NOT stop talking about this CD and book, and telling me I needed to try this. Nope, not me, But then you offered me the class for FREE, because you thought I really needed it. Now what was I going to say, I could no longer politely refuse. Now I was going to have to take the class, but I decided to pay for it, because if I took it for free, I knew I would find no value in it. I am a firm believer in, “if you don’t pay me, you don’t hear me.” And if I was going to spend 6 weeks, I wanted to hear you.

    This is undoubtedly the best $$$ I ever spent. I am happier, I look forward to meditating at least 3 times a week, that’s right people, I have joined the World of Weirdos. It was everything you told me it would be and more. While I am not where you are in your state of awareness. I love that your never miss an opportunity to always find something to be grateful for.

    Because of my meditating, my business has increased, and I really do find the more I am grateful for, the more I receive. This is a fabulous tool, that I am now trying to get my daughter who is a senior in college, in her last year of nursing school and is incredibly stressed to try, and she looks at me like I’m an “out there” ex-hippy getting my “mellow on” man. So she listened politely, because she knows meditating was for weirdos.

    • JEAN…you’ve done it again! You have literally made me LAUGH OUT LOUD with your words. Ahhhhhahahahahahaha…..
      I don’t know if you realize that your powerful testimonial is EXACTLY what I was dreaming I’d hear when I decided to create this workshop. And here’s something I didn’t realize~ you thought I was an “out there, ex-hippy, getting my mellow on.” Good to know!
      I love you Jean Kuhn and I hope everyone reads your comment so they might take a chance and buy this tool (not from me, from the book store) so they can reap the benefits as we have. You’re the best!
      PS. How much do I owe you? 🙂

    • Far Out… Groovy… I now know what to get you for Christmas Jean! I won’t tell you the surprise, but it does have an “out there” ex-hippy getting her “mellow on” kind of theme behind it! Thank you for sharing your “Out of This World” thoughts with us Today.

  3. I find your profound realization “We have way more control when we give up trying to control someone else’s behavior.” is so true.

    Now that I realize this when I find myself upset over someone else’s behavior rather than thinking “What do they need to change to make it right for me? I think “What do I need to change?” It does not mean I have to like the behavior, it means I have to decide what in me is causing the discomfort and how can I change it. It is a much more comfortable way to be.

    Brilliant post Linda!

    • Great insight Edie and one that makes ALL the difference. “What do I need to change?” How many people do you think ask themselves that question, rather than look at what the other person needs to do? It’s really kind of funny when you think of how we give up our energy (not to mention our good mood and happiness) because someone else did something we don’t “approve” of. So silly! As if WE are smarter or better in some way. This has been one of the transformational lessons in my life and I love how I am now connecting with others (like you, my kind friend) with the same awareness. Pretty cool. Thanks for your great input (and for sharing it on Twitter 🙂

  4. Oh, I am so going to apply this… share this… and bookmark this as one of my all time favs in my Coach Linda Ryan (from New Jersey)’s posts! I just had one of those ‘Ah Ha’ moments when it finally (after 18 years) clicked…

    After I went through my second divorce, my counselor gave me a book to read called “Women Who Love Too Much”. Every chapter I read convinced me more and more that I was NOT codependent. I thought “I’m the most INDEPENDENT” person I know, there is no way I’m like any of the people it talks about in this book. WELL… here we are, 18 years later and I just realized that I was in fact codependent! WOW… I had relied (and depended) on ‘his’ behavior being bad in order to feel better about myself, even though that behavior made me feel bad! OY VEY… time to change my own ‘stinking thinking’ about that one! Thank you, Linda for all that you are and all that you do to add value to my life and to the lives of countless others that you serve.

    • Thanks so much Julie! I love the ah ha moments and feel so appreciative of your very kind comments. As our awareness grows (which I know yours has) we are able to see things and understand things that we were once oblivious to. Congratulations on your growth. It’s a privilege and inspiration to watch you grow.

  5. I love this blog Linda, and I really loooovvve the post by Jean. It also made me burst out laughing. I bought ‘Getting Into the Vortex’ as soon as it came out late last year and it way surpassed my expectations.

    I have been a member of the world of ‘weirdos’ for 18months now, meditating early every morning. Meditating has given me an incredible inner peace and serenity that I had never tapped into before. It has increased my intuition and has really helped me to develop my perception faculty.

    Learning to ‘let go’ was a concept that I used to struggle with until one day it was forced upon me……with remarkable results. I wanted something so badly that I didn’t realise that I was pushing it further away. When I released it emotionally from inside, what I desired came to me at an incredible pace.

    It’s great to see you highlight this subject that can be so challenging to get to grips with. We all have choice and the more we stop and think…and then think and act when we are confronted with a situation, the more we realise how much we are in total control of our lives, irrespective of our current situations.

    Another fantastic post Linda. Thank you and have a great weekend.
    RCH 🙂

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