It’s Not About You…It’s About Me!

My favorite teachers on The Law of Attraction are, without question, Esther Hicks and Abraham.  One reason why I love them is they frequently offer ideas and suggestions that require us to do very little, if anything to experience a change in our results.

Here is a recent quote that is really helping me with a colleague who has a very different opinion about… some stuff.  This has been frustrating because, in my mind, it is so obvious that my way is better!  This has caused me to feel all kinds of negative emotions (from annoyance to anger to resentment) which are completely counter-productive to moving forward.  Not only wasn’t I moving forward, I was wasting so much time thinking about how frustrated I was with this person and their lame (sorry, maybe I’m not as over it as I thought) ideas.

Reading this quote (and printing it out and reading it again…and again!) has helped me to (almost) completely let go of the frustration, which allows me to not only feel better, but also do better.

“The person that needs to do something is not that person. The person that needs to do something is you! Some of those people in your life do not deserve your good thoughts. In other words, “They are bad. They are evil. They are wrong! They are inappropriate. They do not deserve your good thoughts,” and you stubbornly are not going to give them any. They may not deserve your good thoughts, but you do. You deserve your good thoughts about them. This is what the Art of Allowing is. It’s allowing my own Well-being.”

We often tell ourselves and others to just “let it go.”  While this is excellent advice, it’s not so easy when we’re feeling hot and bothered.  Reading this quote not only makes it easier, it makes it obvious.  It’s not them that needs to do something about it.  It’s never them; it’s always us.

What do you think?  How do you handle a frustrating relationship, whether professional or personal?  How long does it take you to let it go?  Do you have any tips for doing this faster?

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23 Comments

  1. Hey Linda, great post. This is such a big one…and was a major obstacle I had to overcome personally in order to attract all of the beauty/love/prosperity I so desperately wanted in my life, but was so obviously missing!

    The book Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer was the book that really got me on the right path mentally/emotionally/mindset wise. (And what’s interesting is, Wayne’s studying of Abraham/Hicks was a big part of the inspiration for the book.)

    What it brought (quite painfully) to my attention was the awareness of the toxicity of my internal dialogue about others (which of course is simply a reflection of the view we have of ourselves – self-loathing, self-hatred, disgust, judgement, hyper-criticism, the lack of true self-love), and what it was creating/preventing in my experience/life.

    My toxic view of myself created a toxic view of the world, and of course, we’re all gifted at creating confirmation bias – or finding/looking for evidence to substantiate or views – in other words, we feel crappy about our world and the people in it, and so what do we set our minds searching for? Crappy people, crappy behavior, crappy experiences, crappy circumstances – and of course whatever we look for, we inevitably find and attract more of to ourselves.

    Wayne has some great quotes about this, and one that I love is (probably butchering it a bit), “When you judge others, it says nothing about that person, it simply says that you are someone who needs to judge.” ouch!! 🙂

    Monitoring my internal dialogue, and always exchanging my negative/toxic thoughts for positive/loving/kind/empathetic ones created a new state of mind, a new state of being, and a new state of attraction. Or as I like to say, “When I changed the way I felt about the universe, the universe changed the way it felt about me.” And since I made this shift (which of course is a constant challenge/opportunity everyday to improve upon my frequency and ease of being in this state – Randy has a great take on this, which he calls the getting over the 51% negative thoughts), my life has literally exploded into massive change in SO many areas!! I am virtually unrecognizable to the Sean of 4 or 5 years ago in every department.

    So Linda, the reason I feel that your post is so valuable, is that in my mind, the shift about how we feel about others (which is simply the reflection of how we feel about ourselves), is pivotal to creating an abundant, prosperous, fulfilling, joyful, loving, meaningful life. And the reason is, we all have an internal magnet which attracts people , circumstances, opportunities to us that are in alignment with who we are/our vibration – and as Abraham-Hicks, Wayne Dyer, Randy Gage and a host of others are telling us, it is through the act of feeling good/feeling worthy about ourselves that these internal magnets are powered – to attract either positive or negative depending on how we feel about ourselves and our world – and if we’re feeling crappy about someone else, chances are we’re not feeling good about ourselves, and that will indeed block the flow of good to you/us.

    Thanks!!

    -Sean

    • WOW Sean! Where is YOUR blog??? What a gift you have for clearly expressing these ideas! I absolutely LOVE that quote from Wayne Dyer, and I had never heard it before. OUCH is right! Thanks so much for sharing here! 🙂

    • Thanks for your very helpful comments, Sean. Let me add my voice to Linda and others in encouraging you to start your blog. I must see if my tapes of Wayne Dyer from years (decades?) ago still play.

      • Ahhh, thanks Linda! I really appreciate you creating this forum for all of us to learn and discuss all this great stuff!

        As for my blog…well, I’ve been toying with the idea for a while…but I think I was worried about the time it might take to do on a regular basis…but then I realized I’m not obligated to post everyday, and I don’t have to create a novel either. And as you’ve already covered, the shorter the posts are the greater the impact often is. So, with that in mind, and the encouragement from you, Bob, and some others that I respect tremendously, I’m getting ready to make the blog thing actually happen.

        Thanks for the opportunity and encouragement! I’ll keep you posted!

        -Sean

  2. Great blog, Linda. As you remember, you turned me on the Ester and Abraham last January:) The Relationship section of the Getting Into The Vortex truly changed my life and I can never listen to it enough. It’s never about the other person… it’s always about us and how we allow ourselves to think and feel.
    And a big WOW to Sean O’Shea’s response. This could be a awesome blog in itself. (If Sean is not a blogger, he should be!) I am going to copy and save it,,,,,and read it a few times! Great insight and inspiration from Sean:)
    Thank so much to both of you!

    • Ditto every word about Sean, MP. Great minds think alike, and you & I were both thinking about reading Sean’s blog. 🙂 WOW!
      Re: the track on relationships that we have listened to for so long…Even with that knowledge, I still needed to read the quote I wrote about in this post to remind me of what I need to do. I’m hoping I get it now…time will tell!

  3. Or maybe a more succinct explanation would be: It’s impossible to feel amazing and to attract amazing things/people to ourselves when we’re feeling toxic about others, because amazing things/people aren’t attracted to toxicity – they’re repelled by them. 🙂

    -Sean

  4. I agree with you that we can only change ourselves. Natural tendancy is look for changes in others to bring happiness. I was wathcing Joyce Meyer this morning who reminded me that I can’t control them, but I can choose to make enough changes in me that I can be happy.

    • Thanks for sharing, Robert. I think it’s funny (and by “funny”, I mean mind-boggling!) how even when we know and understand that simple fact, we still, as you point out, need to be reminded of it.

  5. Hi Linda,
    I remind myself constantly that it’s hard to climb to the top, if I’m dragging the weight of anger & frustration with me. The imagery helps.

  6. Thanks for another great post, Linda! “It’s not them that needs to do something about it. It’s never them; it’s always us.” is so empowering. We alone have the power to control our thoughts and emotions. I’m gradually getting quicker at noticing when negative reactions arise and doing something about it. We can even turn it round and be grateful to the other person for the opportunity to do this!

  7. Sorry I am so late getting on this topic. What a great blog. It reminds me of something Larry Winget said in one of his books. He was talking about he could not forgive his wife for something she had done. He was so mad at her and there was really nothing she could do to make it any better. What he realized after he read a book called The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz was realize he had to forgive her so HE could be happy and joyful because he deserved that in his life. Thank you for another very thoughtful blog!

    • And I am so sorry I am so late at getting on this great comment, Christie! It slipped right by me, but I’m glad I found it now. What a great reference from Larry Winget~ we should forgive someone so WE can be happy. It IS all about us! 🙂 Thanks Christie!

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